May You Find Peace

I have made peace with myself, and can no longer in good faith leave or recommend the content I once posted here.  Those writings were my best desperate hopes at the time, when I feared I might be something more that just dressing and was in denial.  The suppression was harmful to me and others I loved in fighting with depression, suicidal ideation and worse risks to try to force things to work in a way that was not meant to be.  As I have researched more about what a transgender person is, and far many more recent scientific studies, I came to recognize who I was.  For a long time I believed that because I had sexual thoughts at all related to being trans it must be sexual; and I struggled viewing myself with only sexual shame.   I have since realized that all humans are sexual regardless of gender, and setting a bar of asexuality is a flawed standard in trying to determine gender because gender is not sexuality; they are different.  When under medication that massively reduced my libido, I was finally able to see fully that my gender had nothing to do with sexual urges and was indeed independent.  Something deeper remained, core to who I am.  I have since come out to those I love, accepted myself, transitioned, and dealt with acceptance and rejection among those who can, worked through shame, and found a supportive therapist, worked to maintain what relationships I can and build new ones, been on hormones for a year and am living a more honest life without shame for being a transgender woman.  My position towards religion has changed as well significantly.

Perhaps your situation is different than mine.  I will not try to say all are like me.  Nor is my love for you conditioned on similarity.  If you maintain a different position, I wish you happiness and that you may find what you seek.  I wish you peace of mind and of heart.  May you find peace.

About ShardsOfNarsil

May you find Peace with yourself.
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9 Responses to May You Find Peace

  1. Emily Shorette says:


    I am writing to you to let you know about Emily’s Virtual Rocket. It is a news blog to keep people informed regarding transgender issues. In addition, gay, lesbian, and/or bisexual issues are also covered. Here goes:

    Thank you very much!


    Emily Shorette

  2. Adrian Brown says:

    This was unexpected… 🙂 Glad that you are finding peace.

  3. Adrian Brown says:

    I mean that the post was unexpected. I knew about the transition.

  4. rachel s says:

    Hello Shards, I am glad to see you are ok and posted. I get worried when I see huge amount of time elapse between posting. Thank you for the update. I was really excited to hear and post on this blog but I see it is at an end. You have brought up something very interesting. something I have always considered and always get into arguments with religious people. Religious people immediately connect a boy in a dress or for that matter a girl in pants with SEX. All religious people seem to think about is sex.

    However you brought up the fact that by the use of medication, you took sex out of the equation. You still felt something was still not right. At least from your experience, you tried to isolate the place you felt out of “sync”. You are the first person I have ever heard to try this.

    Anyway, I have come to the conclusion I am who I am. No amount of screaming from the religious folk can change me. If you like, let us keep in touch.

  5. Emma Gray says:

    Good for you. Your story echoes mine very closely. I’m 62, transitioned a year ago, and have never been happier or more at peace.

  6. Joanna says:


  7. Your blog address, “My CD Recovery”, seems to indicate you were trying to stop cross-dressing. I am delighted that you have found self-acceptance, and hope that others will see from your blog how hard we fight against ourselves: it is not a whim to declare that “I am a trans woman” but something long thought about, and usually struggled against.

  8. Breanna Kay says:

    I can really relate.
    I am 59 and a retired dentist..married
    The last 10 mos…I have pushed my boundaries beyond what I thought possible
    Last Monday I me a 19 year old boy…who I met online.
    We kissed i my car and touched a lot…its crazy where it has gone..he wants to see me again…the excitement is incredible…
    If you feel like corresponding..that would be cool.
    I might add I am quite beautiful…which I thought was unattainable.


  9. Joanna says:

    wonderfully stated

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